It's a Dad!

Tuesday night, March 29, 2021, confirmation came in for my most recent client who was searching for her biological father (It Is Him! - written 3 Feb 2021). The confirmation was in the form of his DNA results. They match on AncestryDNA as parent/child.

It was a long arduous process but it feels good to solve such a meaningful mystery. 

I couldn't have figure it out, though, had it not been for all the biological cousins out there who also took DNA tests.

You may not know who you are helping when you take a direct to consumer DNA tests. There are many people opposed to this kind of information being out there. They have legitimate concerns about their privacy and the future of privacy in general. But great blessings can also come out of genetic genealogy.

I hope my client and her biological father can develop a mutually beneficial, positive, adult child/parent relationship.

If you are struggling to learn about your biological family:

1. Before you even take a DNA test, learn how to interpret your results and about the limitations DNA testing can run into.
2. Accept that you may never know the answer you seek and that what you find may not be good.
3. Get a good strong support system around you because it is a freakin' emotional roller coaster.
4. Then test everywhere you can. You never know where that significant cousin match will be.

An Unknown Great Aunt Visited in Cedar Grove

I recently had a cemetery adventure with my friend Toni. I hadn't really spent any time with Toni this past year due to COVID. We talk every week but it isn't the same as a visit. Now that I am vaccinated though, I thought maybe she'd be up for a brief visit; one just long enough to find the grave of my newly discovered great aunt.

My Grandpa Gardner wasn't one to talk much about family but I was still very startled when an Ancestry hint popped up for a child born to Albert Gardner and Mayme Sharp-Gardner, my great grandparents. I seriously doubted he would have had a sister I didn't know about but then again, I shouldn't have been surprised. In all honesty I wonder if my grandfather knew about her. 

According to the New York City Death Record Index, May Gardner was born on July 4, 1928 when my grandfather was just shy of 2 years old having been born August 5, 1926. May died on March 21, 1929 at 8 months old. At 2 1/2 years-old, would my grandfather remember the loss of an infant sibling? I'm certain it is not something the family spoke of frequently. Alas - -

Cedar Grove Cemetery is a nonsectarian cemetery in Flushing, Queens, New York. However, there is a dominant Jewish section of the cemetery known more commonly as Mount Hebron Cemetery. 

When we got to the cemetery we stopped into the office to confirm the location of the plot for my Great Aunt May Gardner, obtained a map, and inquired as to whom she was buried with. Her father, Albert Gardner is buried in Calvary Cemetery. Her mother, Mayme Sharp-Gardner is buried on Long Island, New York at a location I have yet to confirm. I know of no other family members on this side of the family buried in Cedar Grove. 

The very helpful woman in the office listed for me two individuals interred in the plot; Ernestine Schmitt and Helen M. Schmitt. There is a name I haven't heard yet in the family.

She also showed me how one could use the cemetery's website to drop a pin on a plot location and use their gps to find the location. You just go to their website: https://www.thecedargrovecemetery.com/ 

Click on the tab for Search 

Enter the name of the individual you are trying to find. 

When you get the list of results, click on the person's name and it will provide a map with an approximate location of the grave; approximate in that it could be a few feet off.

Toni and I ventured out to find the location. I doubted sincerely that there would be a headstone. We did see a Schmitt headstone, Toni spotted it, but it said John Schmitt on it so I ignored it.

When I got home I started to research Ernestine Schmitt and Helen M. Schmitt and sure enough FindAGrave revealed the headstone I should have looked at. I didn't notice Ernestine listed on it. https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/147674527/ernestine-schmitt

Curiously, there is no internment record for John Schmitt in this plot. The headstone makes no mention of Helen. AND I have no idea who these people are. 

I did discover that the Schmitts lived in the same general area of Astoria, Queen in which my Gardners lived at the time. John and Ernestine were significantly older than my great grandparents; Albert and Mayme who were both born in 1891, John Schmitt was born in 1862 and Ernestine in 1866.

I did discover that Helen Schmitt who is interred with Ernestine died on January 25, 1919 when she was just 7 months old. Ernestine would have been about 52 at the time of that child's birth which makes her a bit old to be the mother of Helen. Perhaps Ernestine and John were the grandparents of Helen Schmitt or adoptive parents. 

I am left to assume that the Schmitts were either friends of the family or perhaps just generous neighbors or fellow parishioners who donated or sold the space in their plot to my great grandparents to buried their infant daughter, May. Whatever the case, I am grateful they gave my infant great aunt a resting place. 

My Most Recently Departed at Calverton National Cemetery

In pursuit of visiting the burial location of my known direct ancestors it dawned on me that I had not visited a few of my more recently very dear departed family; all of which are buried at Calverton National Cemetery which is located in eastern Suffolk County on Long Island, NY. Until very recently it was the largest National Cemetery in the United States.

Other than my most recent visit on March 3, 2021, I have only been to Calverton on two other occasions; one time for the funeral of my Great Uncle Bobby and the other for the funeral of my Great Uncle Bill.

Like many National Cemeteries the funeral services are not done graveside. The services are held in a little covered pavilion area. So I had never been to Bobby's or Bill's gravesites, just to the service pavilion on the day of their respective funerals. In April 2020, both of their wives succumbed to COVID-19 while living in different nursing home facilities on Long Island. The extended family was unable to have any funeral services for Aunt Ann or Aunt Margaret. Along with these two sets of great-aunts & great-uncles, I have also really wanted to visit the grave of my father's Cousin Brian who lost his battle to lung cancer in December 2018. I had souls to see in Calverton.

Calverton is unusual in that they permit brief epitaphs on their headstones. Most National Cemeteries don't offer this option; or at least they haven't in the past as my Grandma Gardner doesn't have one not do the ones around her.

So this past Wednesday, March 3 was a beautiful day. I had the afternoon off and my Godmother, Aunt Jo, was able to make the trip out to Calverton with me. Calverton is a little over an hour away from me so it a trip but we trekked out there to locate the graves of these five beloved family members:

1. My Great Uncle Robert "Bobby" Henry, my grandma's older brother, who passed on 30 April 2011 at the age of 85. He was such a quiet soul; always so happy to see me. When prompted he would share great family stories rich in detail that helped my research so much. His epitaph reads: "Strong and Kind Loved by All"

2. My Great Uncle William "Bill" Cramer, my grandma's brother-in-law, who passed on 1 October 2012 at the age of 90. he had a wonderful sense of humor and will be forever remembered in my mind as a hard working Fuller Brush salesman. I think he worked until he was nearly 80. His epitaph made me laugh out loud in the cemetery. It reads: " Friendship Ceases in a Card Game"

3. The youngest of my father's first cousin and dad's godson, Brian Henry, who passed on 22 December 2018 at just 51 years-old. Like his dad, Uncle Bobby, Brian was such a quiet soul. I loved him so much. I loved them all but I really adored any time I spent with Brian. Our visits were few and far between but they always felt as though no time had passed at all. His epitaph reads: "Our Beloved Son and Brother. Rest in Peace."

4. My Great Aunt Anna Henry-Cramer, my grandma's sister, who passes on 6 April 2020 at the age of 92. An antique dealer for some time, she bequeathed to me my most prized family heirloom; a photo of my great grandfather, Charles Aloysius Henry, taken when he was about 2 or 3. Her epitaph reads: "Loving Wife Mother Grandma and Holy Roller"

and 5. My Great Aunt Margaret Joyce-Henry, my grandma's sister-in-law, who passed on 14 April 2020 at the age of 91. My Aunt Margaret had the gift of gab. While attending Nassau Community College in the early 1990s, I'd occasionally visit her and Uncle Bobby when I passed their street on my way home from school. She's chat and chat and chat while Uncle Bobby would quietly prepare to have me stay for dinner. Such a sweet woman. She was born in Montreal but grew up in Scotland. I can still hear the lilt of her voice. Her epitaph read: "Beloved Wife Mother Devoted To Faith Family"

When I say I had souls to see at Calverton, I know they are not there. I know they are undeniably with me and their other loved ones in ways we do not comprehend. The effort to make the trip and see their final resting places though, makes one cognizant of their physical absence and ever present meaning they hold in our lives.

Burial Location Found through Social Media: Gersham Smith and Sarah Ann Garvey-Smith

 When I ran into a dead end, no pun intended, looking for the burial location of my 3rd great grandparents; Gersham Smith (about 1848 - 6 November 1905) and Sarah Ann Garvey-Smith (about 1851 - 31 December 1893), I turned to social media. 

I belong to a FaceBook group called Long Island History and I had recently seen a post there about small abandoned family cemeteries around Long Island. One man had posted a photo of cemetery he had stumbled across. Having no success in finding my couple buried at the well known cemeteries in the area, I replied to that post asking if anyone knew of small cemeteries around the North Bellmore area. One man replied that there was a small, old cemetery behind the Christ Alive Church on East Meadow Avenue in East Meadow.

The Christ Alive Church was once the area's Methodist Church. The Methodists constructed a new building across the street and slightly north of their old church but the cemetery behind the Christ Alive Church has a sign that reads: United Methodist Church Cemetery Est, 1859. 

Hmm. My grandpa was raise a Methodist and converted to Catholicism after he married my grandma. Religion is very fluid in my family history. Could it be grandpa's great grandparents were still Methodists back then? Hmm. Maybe.

Place names change over time. That is certainly true here on Long Island. Many of my early Long Island ancestors were settled in Freeport. Freeport has been known by a couple of names including Raynor South and Raynortown. The European credited with settling the area in 1659 was my 10th great grandfather, Edward Raynor, thus the former names of Freeport. 

I don't live in Freeport but my family has resided in the community and surrounding towns for over 350 years; towns including Baldwin, Bellmore, East Meadow, Hempstead, Merrick, and Roosevelt. All those places, at one time, had a different name. The area in which my Smiths lived was once known as Smithville South. Yeah, they have a couple of people named Smith living there. That area is now North Bellmore and part of East Meadow. So maybe Gersham and Sarah Ann were Methodists buried in East Meadow.

I visited the churchyard on Sunday, January 31, 2021. There were very few legible headstones but there were two for Smiths; Vera May Smith (about 1899 - 6 November 1918) and, in another section, Henry E. Smith (1877 - 1917).

I went home and found an email address for the Methodist Church across the street. A very nice woman named Marcella emailed me back that she would take a look at the Church's records as soon as she was in the office. With the current COVID pandemic, I don't expect anyone to be working full-time in any office anywhere everyday. If you are, God bless you.

Yesterday I received an email back with wonderful scans showing documentation that lot 73 of the cemetery belonged to a Gersham Smith; most likely my Gersham Smith.

Marcella is going to look to see if she can confirm the couple is buried there by checking other record books to see if services were held for either of their deaths. In the meantime I have learned that Henry E. Smith for whom there is a headstone in Lot 73 is likely the son of Gersham and Sarah who I have recorded in my research as Harry. So I am pretty confident that I have been to where my third great grandparents, Gersham and Sarah Ann Smith are buried.

CHECK.

It Is Him!

For the past 5 years or so I have taken to unpuzzling DNA matches for people. Every year I take on someone new. I don't charge them and I don't promise them results.

It started with a woman who knew she was adopted and wanted to find her birth parents. It was a struggle and I honestly did not know what I was doing. I didn't get very far. I did the best that I could at the time. To this day I don't know what became of her research.

Then there was an email from a man who matched to someone for whom I manage a DNA kit. He was startled to learn his father was not his biological father. We sorted that one out, found out who his bio dad was, but unfortunately, that man was deceased. There was no "reunion"; happy or otherwise.

Then there was a client I had worked with on researching her family tree who knew her father was not her biological father but did not know who her bio dad was. After a DNA test and a very close match, I was able to determine who her bio father was and put her in touch with cousins. Again, that bio dad was long deceased as were the client's half siblings. Again, I don't really know where it went from there. It sort of fell flat for me. I don't know what relationships she pursued, if any, or what developed.

Then I worked with a woman whose grandfather's mother was adopted and who did not know his biological father. That was a mess. And ultimately, I did not have enough information to work with. The grandfather who had been tested did not have enough known or close matches for me to get very far. I did figure out one certain connection to a family but the woman kind of didn't want to hear or accept what I was trying to explain. I got frustrated. I gave her the information and ended communication. I don't know where her research went from there but when you're working for free, you don't owe them anything.

Just recently though I've had a great success. Yup! I have helped a woman to find her biological father who is alive and well and speaking to her which is not the case with her mother. Her mother is alive but this pursuit to find her bio dad has cracked an already strained relationship she had with her mother to the point where they no longer speak. When one is in pursuit of the truth it's very hard to see eye to eye with someone so deeply in denial.

What most people want to know though, is how do you figure this out. For the genealogist we spend a lot of time while working on such projects thinking about how this came to be. I mean **blushes** We know how it happened, but we think about where people were geographically during a specific period in time, how the couple could have met, and we rule out potential parents based on age, date of birth, locations, and the like.

We tend to invest so much time in the genetic puzzle that we think that is the hardest part. The truth of the matter is the aftermath is the hardest part. Once you figure out who the parents are, what happens? That's the part that the genealogist is not always privileged to. And sometimes the results are anticlimactic. 

So this most recent success I pray remains just that - successful. I hope my client builds a health relationship with her bio dad. I pray he is sane and stable and able to handle this news with the grace and maturity we have seen so far. As for her relationship with her mother, I am not sure there is repair there. I have no advice for her. Except to say that I myself am estranged from my mother. It can be hard to have a healthy relationship with a parent when you too are an adult. You're always their child but you're not a kid. And again, when one is in pursuit of the truth it's very hard to see eye to eye with someone so deeply in denial. Maybe if mom comes to terms with the truth you can be adults together; IF she comes to terms with it. 

Again, I pray this remains a success.

Van Wicklers, Baldwins, and Smiths, OH My! Endogamy vs. Pedigree Collapse

When I visited the grave of my step-3rd great grandmother, Sarah Jane Andrews-Baldwin-Smith, at Greenfield Cemetery in Uniondale, NY on Thursday, January 28, 2021 I did not find a headstone for her but instead, found one beside her spot for Richard H. Van Wickler (1897 - 1974) and Ida May Van Wickler (1904 - 1999). 

I had no idea how Sarah Jane was connected to the Van Wicklers but I recalled her obituary mentioning Van Wicklers.

I found her obituary posted by on Ancestry by another Ancestry user. It does not identify the newspaper it was published in but it reads as follows:

Mrs. Sarah Jane Smith, widow of Gusham Smith, a well known farmer of the Smithville South section years ago, died at the home of her daughter, Mrs. Samuel Van Wickler, 37 orchard street, on Wednesday of last week after a long illness of cancer of the stomach. Mrs. Smith had been a resident of Hempstead since the death of her husband, 15 years ago.  Funeral service was held on Saturday, her 75th birthday, from her late residence, by the Rev. William H. Burgwin of Amityville, L.I., a former pastor of Hempstead Methodist Church. Burial was in Greenfield Cemetery. Mrs. Smith is survived by five daughters, Mrs. Samuel Van Wickler of Orchard street, Hempstead, Mrs. C. B. Sares of Farmingdale, L.I., Mrs. William Duryea of Roosevelt, Mrs. L. Middleton of Pine Rush, N.Y., and Mrs. Herman Brandt of Roosevelt; three sons, Geo. Baldwin, Joseph Baldwin, both of Central Park, and Walter Baldwin of Roosevelt.

This obituary has a lot of helpful information. 

1. It mentions her husband; Sarah Jane's second husband who was my 3rd great grandfather, Gersham Smith.

2. It provides an approximate date of death for Gersham; 15 years earlier which would put it at 1907. Sarah Jane died on 11 January 1922. Gersham really died about a little over 16 years earlier on 5 November 1905

3. It tells me where Sarah Jane is buried.

4. It confirms the surname of her first husband with whom she had her children - Baldwin. Makes no mention of her step-children though.

5. And there is that Van Wickler name.

Now my assumption was that Richard H. Van Wickler who is buried next to Sarah Jane would turn out to be her grandson. However, that is not what my research turned up.

First I looked Richard up on Ancestry.com and was able to determine that Richard Henry Van Wickler was born July 4, 1897 and died in April 1974. Richard was the son of Andrew Foster Van Wickler and Emma Rhodes. (Rhodes - another surname that dances in and out of my family tree).

Richard Henry Van Wickler married Ida May Baldwin. Ida May Baldwin was born August 19, 1904 and died March 1, 1999. Ida was the daughter of Walter Baldwin and Ida May Batcher-Baldwin.

Wait a second. Walter Baldwin? Is that the same Walter Baldwin who is the son of Sarah Jane? Why yes, I do believe it is!

So it was not Richard Van Wickler who was Sarah Jane's grandson. It was his wife, Ida May Baldwin-van Wickler, who was Sarah Jane's granddaughter.

So the Van Wicklers and the Baldwins are all sorts of tangled up. 

Richard Van Wickler is related to Sarah Jane's son-in-law. Sarah Jane's daughter, Margaret Baldwin married Samuel Van Wickler, as indicated by Sarah Jane's obituary. From what I can see, I believe Richard Henry is the grandson of Samuel's brother, John Henry Van Wickler. However, I am really not trying to go down that rabbit hole since I have determined why Sarah Jane is next to Ida May Baldwin-Van Wickler in Greenfield Cemetery.

If I research it further I might find out Ida May and Richard were related to one another. This could be a case of endogamy. 

Endogamy is the practice of marrying within a specific social group or ethnic group. Endogamy is a custom, a practice of marrying within a limit group. For example, it is traditional for Jews to marry other Jews in the same community. It's not exactly marrying your cousin but it can be. There are cultures that reject people from other groups as unsuitable for marriage. 

Endogamy can also happen based on living within a small confined social group. For example I tell my clients and students that if you can trace your white ancestry back to the 1600s on Long Island you're pretty much related to everyone else who can trace their ancestry back to the 1600s on Long Island. I mean, how many people were there then? 

Those early American settler were isolated groups. After two or three generations, who was there to marry but people you were related to. I'm not saying people married their cousins but - - people married their cousins AND people they were closely related to. 

Endogamy is prevalent in many cultures including, but not limited to, Jews, early American settlers, the Amish, French Canadians, Cajuns, and Newfoundlanders. Anyone who follows my blog knows I descend from several of those groups - early American settlers, French Canadians, and Newfoundlanders to be specific. Thank God my people eventually moved around some or I would have a really rough time sorting out my DNA matches. That's a whole other topic. Anyway - - - 

Here we see Sarah Jane Andrews-Baldwin-Smith's granddaughter, Ida May Baldwin-Van Wickler married Sarah Jane's Son-in-law's great nephew. 

Were Ida Baldwin and her husband Richard Van Wickler related? Well not biologically through Sarah Jane but if we spread out and research their trees back several generations we might find they were distant cousins. I wouldn't be surprised.

Marriages such as this not only make for complicated family trees they can cause something called pedigree collapse. Pedigree collapse is not endogamy. Pedigree collapse is one or a few isolated incidents of cousin marriage, while endogamy occurs repeatedly over many, many generations. Endogamy is really more a practice. Pedigree collapse is - well - pedigree collapse is a mess. 

Pedigree collapse occurs when two related individuals produce offspring. As a result, the number of unique individuals occupying ancestor position in a pedigree chart decreases or collapses. I'll give you an example... 

Let's say first cousins marry - that doesn't happen much anymore these days. It is socially unacceptable now and illegal in many places but back in the day it happened. 

So let's say two first cousins marry. They have the same grandparents. So when they have a children that set of grandparents occurs in their family tree twice. That is pedigree collapse. And it extends out - say 4th or 5th cousins marry each other, their children will have a the same set of ancestors show up in multiple places in their tree. 

In short, it is a pain in the ass to keep straight, but then again I suppose it cuts down on one's research time. I mean, you don't have to research the same couple multiple times; if that is any comfort to you.

Oh what a tangled web.

For now I am content knowing the connection between Sarah Jane and the Van Wicklers buried next to her.

Ambitious Goal: 7 Cemeteries, 1 Day

Right now it is snowing like crazy here on Long Island. They say it is going to persist through the whole day well into tomorrow. We'll see. Right now I am day dreaming of warm spring days and trampling through cemeteries.

Queens County, New York is known for many things but the two of the biggest things I would say are its airports and its cemeteries. Airports are closed today. Cemeteries? Well, I ain't going there today.

On my list of cemeteries to visit in order to achieve my goal of visiting all the graves of my great grandparents, great-great grandparents, and 3rd great grandparents there are 5 cemeteries in Queens County and 2 that are in Brooklyn but very very close to the Queens County border. In those 7 cemeteries I have 12 ancestors to visit. Yeah, a lot of my people lived in NY.

So I have this really really ambitious goal of visiting all 7 cemeteries on the same day. I know, I know it sounds crazy and it is but look how close they all are to each other.

This route constitutes just little over an hour of driving time - 1hr and 18 minutes to be precise.

Hey, don't look at me like that. If I get up real early on a nice warm spring day and head out there. I bet I could get them all in. 

At the very least I think it makes sense to try. 

Hey, stop looking at me like that.