It's a Dad!

Tuesday night, March 29, 2021, confirmation came in for my most recent client who was searching for her biological father (It Is Him! - written 3 Feb 2021). The confirmation was in the form of his DNA results. They match on AncestryDNA as parent/child.

It was a long arduous process but it feels good to solve such a meaningful mystery. 

I couldn't have figure it out, though, had it not been for all the biological cousins out there who also took DNA tests.

You may not know who you are helping when you take a direct to consumer DNA tests. There are many people opposed to this kind of information being out there. They have legitimate concerns about their privacy and the future of privacy in general. But great blessings can also come out of genetic genealogy.

I hope my client and her biological father can develop a mutually beneficial, positive, adult child/parent relationship.

If you are struggling to learn about your biological family:

1. Before you even take a DNA test, learn how to interpret your results and about the limitations DNA testing can run into.
2. Accept that you may never know the answer you seek and that what you find may not be good.
3. Get a good strong support system around you because it is a freakin' emotional roller coaster.
4. Then test everywhere you can. You never know where that significant cousin match will be.

An Unknown Great Aunt Visited in Cedar Grove

I recently had a cemetery adventure with my friend Toni. I hadn't really spent any time with Toni this past year due to COVID. We talk every week but it isn't the same as a visit. Now that I am vaccinated though, I thought maybe she'd be up for a brief visit; one just long enough to find the grave of my newly discovered great aunt.

My Grandpa Gardner wasn't one to talk much about family but I was still very startled when an Ancestry hint popped up for a child born to Albert Gardner and Mayme Sharp-Gardner, my great grandparents. I seriously doubted he would have had a sister I didn't know about but then again, I shouldn't have been surprised. In all honesty I wonder if my grandfather knew about her. 

According to the New York City Death Record Index, May Gardner was born on July 4, 1928 when my grandfather was just shy of 2 years old having been born August 5, 1926. May died on March 21, 1929 at 8 months old. At 2 1/2 years-old, would my grandfather remember the loss of an infant sibling? I'm certain it is not something the family spoke of frequently. Alas - -

Cedar Grove Cemetery is a nonsectarian cemetery in Flushing, Queens, New York. However, there is a dominant Jewish section of the cemetery known more commonly as Mount Hebron Cemetery. 

When we got to the cemetery we stopped into the office to confirm the location of the plot for my Great Aunt May Gardner, obtained a map, and inquired as to whom she was buried with. Her father, Albert Gardner is buried in Calvary Cemetery. Her mother, Mayme Sharp-Gardner is buried on Long Island, New York at a location I have yet to confirm. I know of no other family members on this side of the family buried in Cedar Grove. 

The very helpful woman in the office listed for me two individuals interred in the plot; Ernestine Schmitt and Helen M. Schmitt. There is a name I haven't heard yet in the family.

She also showed me how one could use the cemetery's website to drop a pin on a plot location and use their gps to find the location. You just go to their website: https://www.thecedargrovecemetery.com/ 

Click on the tab for Search 

Enter the name of the individual you are trying to find. 

When you get the list of results, click on the person's name and it will provide a map with an approximate location of the grave; approximate in that it could be a few feet off.

Toni and I ventured out to find the location. I doubted sincerely that there would be a headstone. We did see a Schmitt headstone, Toni spotted it, but it said John Schmitt on it so I ignored it.

When I got home I started to research Ernestine Schmitt and Helen M. Schmitt and sure enough FindAGrave revealed the headstone I should have looked at. I didn't notice Ernestine listed on it. https://www.findagrave.com/memorial/147674527/ernestine-schmitt

Curiously, there is no internment record for John Schmitt in this plot. The headstone makes no mention of Helen. AND I have no idea who these people are. 

I did discover that the Schmitts lived in the same general area of Astoria, Queen in which my Gardners lived at the time. John and Ernestine were significantly older than my great grandparents; Albert and Mayme who were both born in 1891, John Schmitt was born in 1862 and Ernestine in 1866.

I did discover that Helen Schmitt who is interred with Ernestine died on January 25, 1919 when she was just 7 months old. Ernestine would have been about 52 at the time of that child's birth which makes her a bit old to be the mother of Helen. Perhaps Ernestine and John were the grandparents of Helen Schmitt or adoptive parents. 

I am left to assume that the Schmitts were either friends of the family or perhaps just generous neighbors or fellow parishioners who donated or sold the space in their plot to my great grandparents to buried their infant daughter, May. Whatever the case, I am grateful they gave my infant great aunt a resting place. 

My Most Recently Departed at Calverton National Cemetery

In pursuit of visiting the burial location of my known direct ancestors it dawned on me that I had not visited a few of my more recently very dear departed family; all of which are buried at Calverton National Cemetery which is located in eastern Suffolk County on Long Island, NY. Until very recently it was the largest National Cemetery in the United States.

Other than my most recent visit on March 3, 2021, I have only been to Calverton on two other occasions; one time for the funeral of my Great Uncle Bobby and the other for the funeral of my Great Uncle Bill.

Like many National Cemeteries the funeral services are not done graveside. The services are held in a little covered pavilion area. So I had never been to Bobby's or Bill's gravesites, just to the service pavilion on the day of their respective funerals. In April 2020, both of their wives succumbed to COVID-19 while living in different nursing home facilities on Long Island. The extended family was unable to have any funeral services for Aunt Ann or Aunt Margaret. Along with these two sets of great-aunts & great-uncles, I have also really wanted to visit the grave of my father's Cousin Brian who lost his battle to lung cancer in December 2018. I had souls to see in Calverton.

Calverton is unusual in that they permit brief epitaphs on their headstones. Most National Cemeteries don't offer this option; or at least they haven't in the past as my Grandma Gardner doesn't have one not do the ones around her.

So this past Wednesday, March 3 was a beautiful day. I had the afternoon off and my Godmother, Aunt Jo, was able to make the trip out to Calverton with me. Calverton is a little over an hour away from me so it a trip but we trekked out there to locate the graves of these five beloved family members:

1. My Great Uncle Robert "Bobby" Henry, my grandma's older brother, who passed on 30 April 2011 at the age of 85. He was such a quiet soul; always so happy to see me. When prompted he would share great family stories rich in detail that helped my research so much. His epitaph reads: "Strong and Kind Loved by All"

2. My Great Uncle William "Bill" Cramer, my grandma's brother-in-law, who passed on 1 October 2012 at the age of 90. he had a wonderful sense of humor and will be forever remembered in my mind as a hard working Fuller Brush salesman. I think he worked until he was nearly 80. His epitaph made me laugh out loud in the cemetery. It reads: " Friendship Ceases in a Card Game"

3. The youngest of my father's first cousin and dad's godson, Brian Henry, who passed on 22 December 2018 at just 51 years-old. Like his dad, Uncle Bobby, Brian was such a quiet soul. I loved him so much. I loved them all but I really adored any time I spent with Brian. Our visits were few and far between but they always felt as though no time had passed at all. His epitaph reads: "Our Beloved Son and Brother. Rest in Peace."

4. My Great Aunt Anna Henry-Cramer, my grandma's sister, who passes on 6 April 2020 at the age of 92. An antique dealer for some time, she bequeathed to me my most prized family heirloom; a photo of my great grandfather, Charles Aloysius Henry, taken when he was about 2 or 3. Her epitaph reads: "Loving Wife Mother Grandma and Holy Roller"

and 5. My Great Aunt Margaret Joyce-Henry, my grandma's sister-in-law, who passed on 14 April 2020 at the age of 91. My Aunt Margaret had the gift of gab. While attending Nassau Community College in the early 1990s, I'd occasionally visit her and Uncle Bobby when I passed their street on my way home from school. She's chat and chat and chat while Uncle Bobby would quietly prepare to have me stay for dinner. Such a sweet woman. She was born in Montreal but grew up in Scotland. I can still hear the lilt of her voice. Her epitaph read: "Beloved Wife Mother Devoted To Faith Family"

When I say I had souls to see at Calverton, I know they are not there. I know they are undeniably with me and their other loved ones in ways we do not comprehend. The effort to make the trip and see their final resting places though, makes one cognizant of their physical absence and ever present meaning they hold in our lives.